There once was two kids named Bill and Joe. Bill was strong but stupid. Joe was a genious but nerdy-looking. And they were best frinds. The only reason Bill made straight A's was because Joe let him copy off of the tests. Bill's muscles were three times bigger than Arnold Schrawzenegger's. Joe was three times smarter than Albert Einstein. But Joe was uglier than Rambo. He was a hippy and had thick glasses. One day they were walking down the road when a mugger jumped out of the bushes.
"Well, well, what do we have here." said the mugger, "Mr. Steriods and Mr. Ugly."
"Hey, I'm not ugly" said Bill.
"I was talking about the hippy."
"Hey, I'm not a hippy." said Bill.
"Are you retarded or something. I'm talking about him" said the mugger pointing to hippy Joe.
"Bill" said Joe in a nasal voice "I think he means me."
Then Bill said, "you can't talk about . . . uhhh . . . I forgot his name but anyway, you can't talk about hippy here like that."
"Thanks, Bill," Joe said sarcastically.
"You're welcome."
"Is this guy mental or something?" asked the mugger.
"No" said Joe, "Hard to believe it, huh?"
"Well, anyway" said the mugger, "You both know the routine. I stick a gun in your back and tell you to hand over the dough. So hand it over."
Bill reached in his pocket and handed the mugger biscuit dough.
"Not that kind of dough."
"Oh," said Bill. So he ate the dough.
"You're disgusting," said Joe, "that dough wasn't cooked."
"It wasn't?"
"Oh, brother," said the mugger.
Then Bill reached in his pocket and pulled out the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
"Here," said Bill, "He's made of dough, I think. Watch."
He touched the Pillsbury Dough Boy in the stomache and the Dough Boy went, "Ooohoohoo."
"Look, I don't want dough," said the mugger, "I want money."
"Oh, well," said Bill. So he bit off the Dough Boy's head. Then he threw the body in the air and it got stuck in a tree.
"Boy, you're stupid" said the mugger. Then he spit in Bill's eye.
"Oh, yeah," said Bill, "Well, take this. Ptooey."
Bill spit so hard that the spit went through the mugger's head like a bullet.
"Just perfect" Said Joe, "You killed him. Now we're murderers. We'll get the chair for this. Just perfect."
"Thanks," said Bill.
Then they heard police sirens in the distance.
"C'mon, let's get out of here," said Joe.
So they started running. The coppers were right behind them. They ran into a dead end alley and were trapped.
"Give yourselves up," said a cop into a loudspeaker.
"You'll never take us alive you dirty rotten coppers!" said Bill.
"If you give up, we'll give you a penny." said the cop.
"Oooh, boy! A penny! A penny!" said Bill
Suddenly he grabbed Joe and got in the back of the police car.
"Now give me my . . . uhhh . . . whatever you said you was going to give me."
"Here you go sucker," said the cop.
As soon as he gave him this penny Bill swallowed it and started choking.
"Ack Ack!" said Bill, "like, man, I'm dying dude. Cool! Ack Ack!"
Suddenly the cop jumpkicked Bill's stomache and the penny flew out his mouth and cracked the car's windshield.
Soon Bill and Joe were taken to jail. They were put in a cell with two beds and a toilet. As soon as Bill was put in the cell he started drinking out of the toilet.
"Quit that," said Joe.
"But I'm thirsty."
"That doesn't mean you have to drink out of that crummy old toilet. You never know what's what's in it."
"It do not look crummy to me."
"Just get your face out of it. Okay?"
"O.K."
Bill took his head out of the toilet and sat down by Joe.
"Y'know, I like your hair" Bill told Joe.
"Why?"
"Cause it's long."
"Why do you like long hair."
"Cause I like to pull it!"
Suddenly Bill yanked out a handful of Joe's hair and swallowed it.
"Ow!" said Joe, "Why did you do that? And why did you swallow my hair. And why do you swallow anything you get your greasy hands on."
"It taste good."
"If I gave you something from the toilet would you swallow it."
"Yes. Of course."
"What if I gave you spinach. Would you swallow it?"
"Yuck. No way Jose'."
Suddenly Bill started coughing and something flew out of his mouth. Joe went and picked it up.
"Ooooh, gross" said Joe, "You just coughed up a hairball."
"Meow, meow" said Bill.
"I'm getting rid of this," said Joe as he threw the hairball in the toilet and flushed it."
"No, No, NO!" yelled Bill.
Suddenly he went flying through the air and landed in the toilet.
"Gotta get it, gotta get it!" said Bill.
He stoop with his hand in the toilet for a few minutes. Finally he took his hand out. In it was the hairball. He lifted the hairball high in the air for everyone to see, as if it were a trophy.
"I got it!" yelled Bill.
"Hoorah" said Joe boringly, "now what're you going to do with it."
"This" suddenly he swallowed it.
"Youre discussting" said Joe, "How come you always swallow everything. Don't you ever chew first?"
"No."
"What if I gave you a stick of gum?"
"I'd swallow it."
"What if I gave you a big bear."
"I'd swallow it."
"You'd choke if you swallowed a big bear whole."
"No, I wouldn't."
"What do you mean you wouldn't. You choked on a little penny but you wouldn't choke on a bear?"
"No."
"You're nuts"
"I know I am but what are you?"
"The most handsome guy in the world."
"I know you are but what am I?"
"Stupid."
"I know I am but what . . ."
"SHUT UP!"
The room was quiet for a while. Then bill said "I know you are but . . ."
"SHUT UP WILL YOU?!" said Joe.
"Okey Dokey. I mean Okey Dookey."
"Just zip it okay?"
"Okay," ZZZIIIP!
Joe looked at Bill and saw a zipper on Bill's lips.
"What in the world?!" said Joe.
"Suddenly he ripped the zipper off.
"OOOOOCH!" screamed Bill, "That hoit!"
Suddenly a guard opened up the cell.
"Come on you two." said the guard, "You've got to go to court."
Bill and Joe started to leave the cell.
"Hey" the guard said to Joe, "what's that bald spot on your head?"
"It's mange," said Bill.
"No it's not," said Joe, "you pulled my hair out and swallowed it, remember?"
"No."
"Where's your brain at Bill?"
"Under my shoe."
"You're crazy."
"Duh!"
As soon as Bill entered the courtroom he took one look at the judge and yelled, "IMPOSTER! That's not Judge Whopner!"
"It's not supposed to be," said Joe, "This isn't People's Court."
"Alright" said the judge, "Everyone take your seats."
Suddenly Bill picked up a chair and started walking away."
"Where are you going?" said Joe.
"I'm taking my seat."
"He means sit down, Bill."
"Oh, I knew that. NOT! Ha! Ha!"
When everyone was seated a lawer walked to the front and said, "These two are responsible for the deaths of Geraldo who was pretending to be a mugger at the time and the Pillsbury Dough Boy."
"HEY, MAN!" shouted Bill, "I DIDN'T KILL NO STINKIN DOUGH BOY!"
"Calm down, Bill" said Joe.
"Okay. BUT I DIDN'T KILL NOBODY BUT STINKIN, RETARDED FART FACE WHOPNER!"
"Bill, What are you talking about?"
"I don't know. I got a pea-brain."
"ORDER IN THE COURT! ORDER IN THE COURT!" shouted the judge.
"SHUT-UP STUPID" shouted Bill, "YOU IMPOSTER, YOU!"
The room was quiet for a while. Then the judge said, "How do you plead?"
"Like this. . . " said Bill. Then he got on his knees and said, "Please! Please! Please!"
"Not like that," said the judge.
"SHUT YOUR TRAP YOU UGLY FAT FACE!" Suddenly Bill started coughing. Then something flew out of his mouth and hit the judge in the face.
"What in the world," said the judge, "I've been hit in the face by a hairball."
"Gimme that!" said Bill.
"Here, take it, it's all yours."
As soon as he got it, Bill swallowed it again.
"THAT'S IT! You're innocent, you're free. Now get out of here."
"YIPPEEE!" shouted Joe and Bill.
"Goodbye imposter." said Bill.
"GET!"
"SHUT UP!" shouted Bill.
"THAT'S IT! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!"
Suddenly the judge had a heart attack and died.

THE END